Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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