I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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