And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
