dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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