The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
