A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
