I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
