My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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