I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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