why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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