Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
