at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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