Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
