I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
