If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
