She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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