my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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