Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
