Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
