The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
