apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
