Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
