Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
