that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
