He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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