why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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