I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
