so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Randomize
