Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
