Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
