Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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