it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
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