Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
