Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
