i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
