So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
