found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
