She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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