I like to think it a success when the cops are called
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
