she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm like, not good at living.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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