She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
