I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
