I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize