As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
birth control should be required to get into college
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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