Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
