saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
