I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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