No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
