so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
