I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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