Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
