Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
