Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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