Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
