Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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