the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
