I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
