If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
