I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
