Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
