One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
