i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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