There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
