My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
