My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
