just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
