I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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