I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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